I used to ask myself this question every single day:
“Am I overthinking this?”
“Maybe I’m just too sensitive.”
“Was it really that bad?”
If you’ve ever sat in your car, cried in the shower, or stared at your phone wondering if you’re being emotionally abused or just dramatic, please hear this:
Doubt is part of the abuse.
It’s not a flaw in your judgment—it’s a symptom of being manipulated.
So let’s talk about what’s really going on when you ask yourself,
“Is this narcissistic abuse—or am I the problem?”
🧠 Why You’re Even Asking This Question
1. You’ve Been Gaslit
Gaslighting is when someone twists reality to make you question your memory, your feelings, or your sanity. Narcissists do this constantly.
“You’re imagining things.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Eventually, you start saying those things to yourself.
2. The Abuse Wasn’t Obvious
Narcissistic abuse rarely looks like what we’ve been taught abuse is.
There’s no screaming every night.
No black eyes.
No police reports.
Just small, repeated emotional violations that chip away at your confidence and clarity:
- Silent treatments
- Dismissive remarks
- Withholding affection
- Constant blame
- Subtle jabs at your intelligence or worth
You don’t realize it’s happening until you’ve lost your spark—and your sense of self.
3. They Made You Feel Like the Crazy One
Every time you tried to set a boundary or express a need, they flipped it:
“You’re so controlling.”
“You’re always looking for something to be mad about.”
“You’re impossible to please.”
They act wounded when you’re hurt—and calm when you’re in tears.
Suddenly, you’re the unstable one. Or so you start to believe.
🔍 So… How Do You Know It’s Narcissistic Abuse?
You may be experiencing narcissistic abuse if:
- You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells
- You over-apologize—even when it’s not your fault
- You crave their validation but fear their criticism
- You feel confused, drained, or “off” after talking to them
- You second-guess your own feelings all the time
- You feel less like yourself the longer you’re around them
Let’s be clear:
If you feel chronically unsafe, unseen, or unworthy in a relationship—it is not healthy. Period.
😩 Why “Am I Overreacting?” Is the Wrong Question
This question keeps you trapped in self-doubt instead of honoring your experience.
Instead, ask:
- 🧭 “Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?”
- 🧭 “Do I have to shrink myself to keep the peace?”
- 🧭 “Would I want someone I love to be treated this way?”
If the answer to any of these is no—you’re not overreacting.
You’re reacting to something real.
🧘♀️ What to Do When You’re Still Not Sure
1. Start Writing Things Down
Keep a private journal of what they say, how you feel, and how you respond. This helps you see patterns that are easy to dismiss in the moment.
2. Talk to a Neutral, Trauma-Informed Person
Find a therapist, coach, or support group who understands narcissistic abuse.
Talking to someone who believes you can be life-changing.
3. Learn the Red Flags
Educate yourself on narcissistic behaviors: gaslighting, love bombing, future faking, blame shifting, triangulation.
When you start to learn the language, the fog starts to clear.
❤️ You’re Allowed to Trust Your Gut
You don’t need to explain your pain in a way that makes sense to someone who has never felt it.
You don’t need proof.
You don’t need permission.
You don’t need a dramatic exit to justify your discomfort.
If something feels wrong, it is.
You’re not overreacting—you’re waking up.